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How To Be A Bodybuilder

There are two types of bodybuilders: Those who try out all the muscle gaining plans out there and those who stick with what works. Which type are you?

Surfing through I have been reading a lot of articles on stuff like "How you know if you are a bodybuilder, 10 signs you're a bodybuilder, grocery shopping for bodybuilders." I would like to give each and every one of you my personal take on what you need to do in order to be a bodybuilder. We have read all the magazines with all the zillions of workouts and millions of nutrition plans and strategies. We have been bombarded with new gimmick supplements and Zone diets that everyone has tried and failed at. We have all went to the grocery store and bought $100 worth of special organic soy-based foods because they had a picture of some ripped guy in a magazine eating tofu and drinking soy milk. There are two types of bodybuilders:

  1. The ones who try out all the different nutrition, training and supplement plans hoping to gain a pound of beef.
  2. The ones who stick with what works and use what has been proven by science to work.

I am a #2. My fridge is stocked with a case of eggs, 8 pounds of chicken, salmon, milk and beef. My cupboards are full of rice, oatmeal, grits and potatoes. My counter tops have 8 bottles of protein (3 different kinds) and the essential vitamins. My dishwasher is full of blenders and my coffee pot is running strong. To me, bodybuilding is a journey, a long journey. There is only one way to get there, lifting the heaviest possible weights and eating so much food you keep the plumber in business.

Now, onto my take on what it means to be a bodybuilder ... To me it means that you want to be the biggest thing walking the earth, bigger than an elephant, bigger than a bulldozer and you will not stop pounding iron and eating people until you are that big. You'll die before you quit trying to grow. It means that every morning you get up, pee, and start eating your food, being sure to get your protein, carbs and fats. Then you shower and shave, then you have a shake. Being a bodybuilder you have to have the mentality that food comes first, before chicks, before playing with your friends, before beer, before watching TV, before pleasuring yourself. FOOD FOOD FOOD.

At work, they gave me a fridge to put my food in, and when people see me eating, they know to leave me alone, because I will ignore them until I am done eating anyway. They see the veins in my arms and can see my quads through my blue pants. They know I don't mess around when it comes to eating and growing. And they know this because I have made it very clear to them that bodybuilding comes first, and this job comes second. They know that if they let me eat, then I will go above and beyond my duty at the workplace, and I do. It's a trade off you see, they let me do what I need to so that I can do what I have to. That is what it means to be a bodybuilder. When the office is having cake for someone's birthday they don't offer you any because they know you won't have it. When your office all goes out to lunch and you are late because you had to grab your Tupperware.

No excuses, no ifs, ands or buts about it. You eat, you grow and everyone knows it. Being a bodybuilder means that every morning when you leave your house you have your gym bag and your food bag. You have your watch set to let you know when its time to eat, and when it is time to eat, you eat. You don't wait and say you're are still full, you jam the food in your mouth. If you puke it up, grab a spoon buddy, cause those are calories in the toilet!

Gym time: Bodybuilders go to the gym on schedule with a plan. The plan is to lift as much weight as humanly possible, just shy of crushing yourself. You need to lift so much weight that your eyes turn red, you see stars and almost pass out. If you aren't lifting like that, then don't plan on being as big as me. Everyone at the gym needs to know your name because you are there so much. They should know how much you bench, deadlift, squat, row, etc. They should know your routines down pat and what you are going to yell. You need to have a locker that is always yours because Mother [email protected] know if they put their stuff in there you will eat them. You need to know where the best light in the gym is, where all the good spots to stand and make yourself look good are. You need to know which plates weigh 45 pounds and which are a little off.

Being a bodybuilder is more than knowing all the latest fads and gimmicks. It's being thick, veiny, strong as an ox, hardcore and dedicated. You will know when you see a hardcore bodybuilder. He won't be eating a half bagel with cream cheese and banana slices, he will have his head buried in a plate full of chicken and a baked potatoes, drinking warm water and not V8. He won't be wearing a Polo shirt either, he'll have a XXL rag that is pretty tight with his traps starting right below his ears. He won't have fancy pants or fancy cars, because all his money goes to buying chicken, not chicks.

It's time to get serious people! Look around, your friend isn't getting bigger because he takes 2 tabs of Guggulbolic, he bongs shots of N-Large 2 and he sips on Pro Blend 55 all day long.

Bodybuilding is no joke, it's not easy and not for everyone. Yeah, there are some big guys that lift recreationally and are somewhat big, but they sure as shit are not freaks. Be a freak! Anyone can go to the gym, anyone can bench 300 pounds, anyone can be average. Be a freak.

I am: "Jason Bennett, Office Bodybuilder"